I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
