I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
