i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
