Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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