Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....