I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud