You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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