I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong