I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize