did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
