Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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