She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
