My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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