i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Randomize
