Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
please don't ironically join a cult
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