Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
