The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There r osticjed everywhere
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
