Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
