"it" just moved
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's never too late to be topless.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So much rum. So many feels.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
