Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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