god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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