She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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