This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
