I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
