Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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