You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
