There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize