The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
