I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
