Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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