The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
