I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
