At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
