I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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