Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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