he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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