but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
