Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
