He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
