yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
