I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
