He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
