She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize