I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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