I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
