After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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