My room smells like vodka and shame
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
