I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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