I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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