i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
