this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
