you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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