ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
