but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
