I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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