Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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