my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize