this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
