neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
