Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
as a side note pls kill me
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