Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
