The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
