Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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