Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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