10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
