the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
