that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
