At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You are the jesus of drinking
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
