my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
