Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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