I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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