Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
do nipples grow back?
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