I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
