And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
