hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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