im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
