there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
