Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
