I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize