I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
